i couldn't get my life back, i couldn't save myself.
all the words of my mother hang heavy over me.
it's summer in texas, 2003.
i dissociate, the world around me fades.
there is no self if there is no one else, so i isolate and suppress discomfort,
and i sacrifice any shred of my own self-worth. while i put so much faith
in my open eyes, i have never felt so lonely and desperate.
i couldn't get my life back, i didn't stand a chance.
all the pain within my past weighs heavy on my heart.
the euphoria won't last, it'll tear your life apart.
i feel the same; the world around me changed.
it is a mess, and i could not make sense of the brave new world i navigate alone,
or my hyper-vulnerability i now call home, 'cause i put so much trust in their shifting words,
and i have never felt so stupid and useless before.
but it is all my fault, i never should have trusted them. it's easy to smile and wave,
to tell them one thing to their face, it's hard to tell the truth.
yeah, it is all my fault,
but how could i have known that what people call low self-esteem is really just seeing yourself the way other people see you?
i couldn't get my life back.